More of what we've been learning....Xhosa Traditions!

There are many traditions still in place within the Xhosa community. We were educated on some of them at the wedding and wanted to share them with you all b/c we found them so fascinating.

Before a couple can get engaged, the groom goes to the bride's family and negotiates how much labola he will pay for her hand in marriage. Labola is the amount of money (or in the old days, number of cows or sheep) the bride's family and groom agree that the she is worth. The amount agreed upon is based on the bride's education, family status, beauty, etc. Nelson Mandela, who is also Xhosa, paid something like 250,000 Rand ($41,650 USD) for his last bride - she was the king of Mozambique's daughter and very well educated, so worth a hefty labola. At the wedding we went to, the labola was 40,000 Rand (about $6,650 USD). The bride was well educated and practiced law in Johannesburg. 40,000 Rand is a lot of money to South Africans. Once the labola is paid and the wedding is complete, the bride now belongs to the husband's family. If at any point, however, that the marriage goes askew - i.e. they have a big fight or he's treating her badly, and the woman goes back to her family - even if only for one night - the man may have to pay her family the labola again.

More interesting traditions are carried on during the traditional wedding ceremony. The traditional ceremony takes place after the white wedding. Xhosa people perform two ceremonies nowadays - a white wedding, which is similar to weddings we attend back home and a traditional wedding, which is similar to the weddings performed back in tribal days. The white wedding of the couple who's wedding we attended was held in Stellenbosch, South Africa's beautiful wine country (the equivalent to our Napa :)) The traditional wedding was held back in the township, where the bride and groom grew up at the home of the groom or his family. The entire community is invited to the traditional wedding (friends, neighbors, and even strangers), the bride changes outfits two, three or four times, and, probably most important, the the bride is taught respect by the groom's family.

We couldn't figure out why the bride didn't seem very happy during the ceremony until the teaching of respect was further explained to us. You will notice she's not smiling much in any of the pictures. Teaching of respect is dreaded by all Xhosa brides. The groom and his family (mostly the elders - grandparents, parents, or his oldest siblings if they're no longer around) sit the bride down and teach her how to respect him and his family. She is not allowed to speak during this teaching and must just sit there, listen, and take it all in. Teaching her respect includes laying down ground rules, showing her how to dress when in family members' presence, and giving her a new name.

We posted a picture of the outfit they picked for her to wear in their presence - it's the photo labeled "3rd outfit". The bride must wear this while in their presence until her first child is born. It's pretty bad! Only after her first child can she choose what she wears when around them.

The new names she is given stick forever. She is given three new names in total. Just like we do, she takes her husband's last name. She is also given two new first names which describe how the family feels about her. The names can be good or bad depending on whether or not they like her. And, again, the names given that day are used then for the rest of her life!

After understanding the teaching of respect, we understood why the bride wasn't all smiles on her traditional wedding day. Not only is she taking on a new husband and all that goes with marriage, she's taking on the family and their rules as well. Wow!

Hope you all found this as interesting as we did!

Rach and Steph :)